WEINSTEIN COMPANY AFTER PARTY
HBO AFTER PARTY
INSTYLE & WB AFTER PARTY
FOX SEARCHLIGHT AFTER PARTY
NBC AFTER PARTY
Full Opening Monologue
6 Top Jokes From Ricky Gervais
6. Justin Bieber’s Paternity Test
Justin Bieber nearly had to take a paternity test. What a waste of a test that would have been. No, he’s not the father. The only way that he could have impregnated a girl was if he borrowed one of Martha Stewart‘s old turkey basters. Open wide!
5. Madonna Is Like A Virgin
Ricky Our next presenter is the Queen of Pop. No, not you Elton. She’s all woman. She’s always vogue, she’s a Material Girl and she’s just Like A Virgin. Please welcome Madonna!
[RESPONSE!] Madonna: If I’m still a virgin Ricky, then why don’t you come on do something about it? I haven’t kissed a girl in a few years. On TV.
4. Salma Hayek & Antonio Banderas Censored Joke
I can’t wait to introduce our next presenters. It’s Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas, so you can see why I’m excited. They’re ridiculously gorgeous specimens, they’re extremely talented and probably very interesting. I’m not sure, cause I can’t understand a word they say [censored]
3. Jodie Foster’s Beaver
I mustn’t mention Mel Gibson this year. Not his private life, his politics, his recent films and especially not Jodie Foster‘s Beaver. I haven’t seen it myself. I’ve spoken to a lot of guys here – they haven’t seen it either… but that doesn’t mean it’s not any good!
2. Kim Kardashian & Kate Middleton
The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. Bit louder. Bit trashier. Bit drunker. And more easily bought…allegedly, nothing’s been proved.
1. The Oscars & Eddie Murphy
Who needs the Oscars? Not me. And not Eddie Murphy. He walked out on them, he said no, and good for him. But when the man who said yes to Norbit says no to you, you know you’re in trouble.Photo Credit: Getty Media Credit: www.toofab.com