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How to Fail at Facebook Without Even Trying

1. Tagging party pictures

This goes back to your image. You are creating it. Do you really want prospective clients and employers to see you partying? Do you want them to see you upside-down in front of a keg of beer, dressed like a pirate?

2. Inappropriate pictures

We already know that you can’t get 1,000 Facebook friends based on personality alone… but take those XXX pictures somewhere else. Like Myspace.

3. Swearing

If your status updates look like this ☞ [*&^%$#@#$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&] you probably shouldn’t be posting it. Plus, it kind of looks like you fell asleep on top of the computer keyboard while stalking your friends’ profiles at 3 AM.

4. Starting fights

Where do I begin… Don’t begin a DEFCON 5 fight with your friends on Facebook. Or your family on Facebook. Or start hurling out insults to a complete stranger. Actually, don’t start fights with anyone.

5. Bragging about illegal activity

I can’t believe that I even have to mention this one,  but especially to those who like to kick it up a notch and post pictures while breaking the law, this one’s for you! Don’t post pictures of your dog smoking out of a bong or pictures of your sleeping baby with a gun on her lap. And please, no aerial shots of your coffee table that looks as if Walgreens pharmacy moved in and set up shop in your living room. All you need to remember are two words.

6. Discussing private matters 

You should restrain from airing your whoa is me campaign on your wall for all the world to see; you are not a Kardashian… Right? To quote the Mafia: Omertà. If you must tell the world all about your 51/50 style life, at least send us a message of where and when so that we have an adequate amount of time to grab some Milk-duds and popcorn.

7. Don’t end a relationship or unfriend someone because your mad at them…. real mature.


PARTING WORDS OF ADVICE:

You cannot find out who saw your profile.

Jordan does not make high heels.

You will never know what that man saw when he walked in on his daughter.

You will not see pics of Osama Bin Laden’s dead body.

There are no free iPads.

You will never know why that baby is laughing.

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