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It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood…

– I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

– MapQuest should really to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I

know how to get out of my neighborhood.

– Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the

person died.

-I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work

when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything

productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don’t

want to have to restart my collection.

-There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are

going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and

suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first

saw it..

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to

finish a text.

– LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

– Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron

test is absolutely petrifying.

– Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”,

all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod

and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go

around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly

nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be

a problem….

-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me

if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I

swear I did not make any changes to.

– “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

– I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not

seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new guy, I’m terrified of mentioning something she

hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light

internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle,

then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising

speed for pedophiles….

-Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still

not know what time it is.

-I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to

answer when they call.

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